Humbled by love

There are certain things that inspire one to begin blogging again. Sometimes things happen in life that just must be shared, or at least processed through writing.

This is a post about humility. It is also a post about marriage, and the essential role humility must play in love.

As a stay-at-home-mom with two young boys, a large part of my attention, emotions and energies are poured into these two sweet ones during the day, as it should be. After all, they need me. Not only am I responsible for their physical needs (although it is often all I can focus on as they are clamoring for breakfast, or snack, or to go potty, or...), but I also seek to stimulate my three-year-old's mind effectively so that it develops into that of a genius (of course every parent wants their children to be smart, right?), as well as comfort them both when they are tired, fall down, get upset with the dog, etc. I also share in their joys when they learn how to figure out a puzzle, explain their emotions in words, or begin drawing faces that actually have heads, eyes and hair, or in the case of my 7.5-month-old, when he learns to feed himself finger foods, makes new sounds, and scoots across the whole floor. That adds up to physical, mental, and emotional needs for two human beings (and a canine one) SEPARATE from my own that I am constantly watching out for day after day.

Enter Mr. Right. By the time he comes home at night, I am so happy to have help with the lot of them that his needs are altogether eclipsed. After the boys are sleeping like angels (read: the baby... toddler finds reasons to come out of his room for a full hour after bed), I still haven't remembered that he has needs. My narcissist side thinks it's a good time to meet my needs: rest, relaxation, tuning out or doing things I can't do with the little monsters. This often looks like Pinterest, facebook, TV or a movie- you get the picture. If I do "selflessly" deny my desires to do something I want to do, it's usually because the sink is full of dishes, the kitchen counters look like a hurricane blew through, or the piles of laundry rival Mount Vesuvius.

So when does Mr. Right come in? In a broken conversation over dinner about the events of our days, amidst flying handfuls of baby food, the dog thinking our feet are chew toys, and repeatedly reminding the three-year-old to talk less and eat more? In a hurried "I love you" before bed? Heck, sometimes he is asleep before I even make it to bed.

Last night all of this came to light. Mr. Right indicated with a wounded look in his eyes that it felt like I didn't love him as much anymore. This caused me to take a step back and look at why he might be feeling this way, and that is when I arrived at the conclusion of all stated previously. He then proceeded to give me some straight talk which was humbling but true and necessary to hear. I gave up "my needs come before yours" when I got married and had kids. I can't just forget that he has needs. I HAVE to pour into my husband even after I feel like I've poured every ounce of my energy into the kids. Because I love him! And that is love. That is love.

Here is the kicker to this story of humility and love. We had this conversation at dinner, then went on a walk, got the boys in bed, etc. I came down to clean up a bit and had just sat down on the couch when Mr. Right took my hand, pressed "Play" on his iPod, and began twirling me around the living room to "Earth Angel." In recent months, he's kept it no secret that he does not like dancing. At weddings I have to beg him to take the floor with me. Nonetheless, I give him a hard time because in our teenage years, he was a great dancer and loved it. Last night he danced with me at will- just because he knew I'd had a rough day. Does he love me? I have no doubt at all. He showed me in a way that spoke louder than anything. He's a fool for me, I could see it written on his face.

I ended the day feeling so humbled. I thanked him before we drifted off to sleep "for everything." He mumbled some mumbo-jumbo about just being a husband and loving his wife, but I know that he is an exceptional one. He really, truly loves me.

And I pledge to show him that I really, truly love him. However much humility that will take.

Eucharisteo and the prayer of my heart

Following is a quote from One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I challenge you to ponder its meaning for you today.

"In the original language, 'he gave thanks' reads 'eucharisteo.' .....The root word of Eucharisteo is charis, meaning 'grace.' Jesus took the bread and saw it as grace and gave thanks. He took the bread and knew it to be gift and gave thanks. But there is more, and I read it. Eucharisteo, thanksgiving, envelopes the Greek word for grace, charis. But it also holds its derivative, the Greek word chara, meaning 'joy.' ....Charis. Grace. Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving. Chara. Joy. A triplet of stars, a constellation in the black. A threefold cord that might hold a life? Offer a way up into the fullest life? Grac,e thanksgiving, joy. Eucharisteo. A Greek word... that might make meaning of everything?"

Now, pondering that, here is another quote I came by today that really moved me.

"The breaking of the alabaster box and the anointing of the Lord filled the house with the odor, with the sweetest odor.

Everyone could smell it.

Whenever you meet someone who has… gone through things for the Lord, is willing to be imprisoned by the Lord, just being satisfied with Him and nothing else, immediately you scent the fragrance.

There is a savor of the Lord.

Something has been crushed, something has been broken, and there is a resulting odor of sweetness.’

–Watchman Nee

How simply beautiful. The prayer of my heart is that I would be filled with eucharisteo and give him thanks in all things so that the sweet odor of the Lord would radiate from my life. Thank you Jesus!

Days gone by: please come again

Does anyone remember xanga? I spent an hour there tonight on my old one... who knew that some of my best writing happened on that blog? Wow.

It's left me very pensive. I wrote so often about my relationship with my boyfriend, then fiance, and the emotion and passion in those words just takes my breath away. Now that he is my husband and we have a two-year-old, I can't help but wonder- what has changed?

Being separated by 200 miles week after week during our engagement was so difficult, but we prayed together over the phone every night and grew so much in that time. Going back even farther, to our dating period, everything was so new, exciting, and we couldn't wait to see each other, or to race home after school and see if the other had posted a comment on our xanga to read. We prayed for and encouraged each other every chance we got.

How much has changed?

Now I live daily life with this best friend of mine. We have to work to provide a life for ourselves. Sometimes we wonder what motivation we have to go forward. At the end of the day we swap stories about the cute things Eli said or talk about how to make sure he doesn't do or say a particular thing again. Where is our faith in daily life? It takes such a different shape from our dating and engaged years. It means being diligent and intentional to pray together rather than watching a TV show. I want to encourage each other with Scripture again. I want to be so in touch with each other spiritually that we are growing like never before, drawing closer to our Maker with each interaction we have, like it once was.

It will require effort on both our parts and true intention to do it. And an intervention of the Holy Spirit, of course. I believe.

Mark Schultz says it so well:

I believe that He loves you where you are

I believe that you've seen the hands of God

I believe that you'll know it when

You're back in His arms again

I believe that He never let you go

I believe that He's wanting you to know

I believe that He'll lead you 'til you're back in His arms again

Toddler-struck

I was struck once again today by the beauty of children.

My friend Dawn and I visited our Nepali friend, Durga this morning. Each of the three of us has a toddler boy- ages 19 months, 20 months, and 4 years. Elisha was very shy at first, as it was a new place, new faces, and he was a little out of his element. What was beautiful to watch was his face light up when he saw Saureb, the 4 yr. old, hiding behind a semi-transparent curtain. It was as if he realized at that moment that Saureb was just like him. A little boy who loves to have fun. His face broke out in his signature adorable smile, he scrunched up his nose and said, "Funny," over and over, laughing when Saureb would come out from behind the curtain. What simple joy! Watching the boys play together was such a delight. Saureb can speak not much more than 10 words in English, and yet they had so much fun chasing each other, playing with balls, and being boys. He is getting to the age where he can actually play with other children, and it is so fun to watch. He is very attached to Aiden, the other boy his age there today- Dawn's son. They see a lot of each other, as Dawn is a good friend of mine and part of our house church group. Eli has begun crying when it comes time to say goodbye to Aiden and saying his name repeatedly. It's so fun to watch them grow together.

This afternoon I was having some "me" time during Elisha's nap and just kind of chilling on the bed with my laptop. I had heard E begin talking and knew he had woken up but hadn't gotten up to get him yet. The next thing I knew, after recalling that I had heard a small noise resembling a crash, our bedroom door was being pushed open by a barefoot toddler who looked at me shaking his head and saying, "Night night. Sleep." The momentous moment happened, friends. He got out of his crib alone. I knew it was only a matter of time, as I have caught him of late putting one leg over the edge. I'm afraid for what naptimes will look like from now on when he does not want to sleep. It will probably be time to transition to a toddler bed- hopefully around his 2nd birthday, which is rapidly approaching!

Here's to hoping the groundhog does not see his shadow tomorrow! Happy February, everyone! One month closer to springtime. :)

Thoughts on Whole Living for 2011

I received my first issue of Whole Living magazine today. I won a subscription as a reward for accumulating points from Stonyfield Farms organic yogurt products. It is very encouraging and I love it already. Here are 10 thoughts to ponder this year that I plan to post somewhere visible in our home.

1. Make this the year you follow through.
2. Invigorate body and mind: exercise until your spirit soars.
3. Other people may have opinions about where your life is headed, but only you have the power to prove them wrong.
4. The path to fearless living goes straight through the roadblocks, not around them.
5. Seek out foods that sustain, nourish, and warm you.
6. Creativity goes beyond sheer artistry; it takes courage to express your ideas.
7. Disagreements offer invaluable insights. Don't avoid them- study them.
8. To truly detoxify your lifestyle, think about what you can add to it, not just take out.
9. The coziest homes aren't merely filled with stuff; they're designed to bring people closer.
10. An ending doesn't have to be sad. It's the only way to begin something new.


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The way I see it, resolutions may last a month or two, but it is never too late to re-visit habits we wish to create. As Lynn J. states, "Instead of making New Year's the only time I reflect on my goals, I make the first of every month a new beginning. I think of a few small things I want to accomplish (drinking eight glasses of water a day, exercising four days a week) and write them on the dry-erase board on my refrigerator..." This is something I hope to pursue. How much more would we accomplish if we were to consciously remember the small ways we want to make a change in our lives and re-visit them at the beginning of every month or even every other week if need be? I think we could stay on track and achieve little goals, eventually amounting to larger ones, quite effectively.

Here's to living wholly!

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PRICELESS TODDLER TIME

Fun moments with Elisha:

It was such a joy tonight to watch him eat ice cream. He ate everything on his plate at dinner (amazing!- and probably because he refused lunch and was ravished), so we thought it fit to give him a little treat. He ate mint cookies & cream frozen yogurt with a smile and a laugh between each bite. How beautiful it is to watch children discover the simple joys in life!

A Fresh Start

I've been inspired to revive this blog. A new look and new ideas. More to come soon!

A Day Off

I've come to the conclusion that a day in which both husband and wife are free from work-related duties on the same given day (in other words, off) is a wonderful thing for a marriage.

Between three jobs the both of us hold, this phenomenon doesn't happen often for my dear husband and I, but when it does, it is extremely refreshing. Not only do I feel relieved from baby duties, meaning dearly beloved can help put Elisha down for a nap, etc, but it is wonderful to be with each other for 24 straight hours! (Given, 9 or so of those may be spent sleeping, a most highly revered activity itself).

Today Elisha turned 9 months old and Tim and I both had off work. We did a tae-bo workout together this morning (I'm really coming to love the workouts he's treasured for about a year now) and after lunch, took Eli in for a photo shoot at Tim's photo studio. Here are some thumbs (sorry, I can't show them any bigger due to copyrights).







We had a lot of fun.

For Valentine's Day, Tim & I started something fun we hope to continue for a good while, and I plan to blog about the things we do. I read the idea online. We created a "Fun Jar", listing on slips of paper fun things we've always said we'd do or have wanted to do. We will pull one each month around our anniversary day (the 21st) and promise to do it within a week or so. I am excited! We have some fun things to do together. [spoiler alert: eat a whole half gallon of ice cream together! oh boy! if you know the two of us, you know this is no small feat. we are heath-conscious to the max, and so it will take some careful planning of meals/calories on that day, haha! but nonetheless, that will be a great one.]

Here are some pictures from the blizzard of 2010, the 2nd storm in a week to slam us in February.





We had SOOO much snow!

Looking ahead to a busy weekend full of good things [unfortunately, not all of them include my husband]. But I am so thankful for his hardworking provision for us. Here's to showing it more often. :)